Friday, February 20, 2015

Autism: Different NOT BROKEN

Motherhood...whew I am blessed YES blessed beyond measure. Would not change my children for the world. We had been given some worrisome news about our sweet Logan back in October. His Early Intervention teachers think he may be on the Autism Spectrum. As a mom you NEVER wish for your child to have a label. A label that could make his life more difficult at times. It was a hard few days when that label was brought into my mind. Did I love Logan any less? OF COURSE NOT! To be honest some of his "autistic red flags" are some of the things I love SO SO MUCH about him! Those are parts of him. They may not be TYPICAL behavior (I am learning not to say NORMAL as that is an ugly word) but they are beautiful. He is beautiful. His brain is a mystery to me and I LONG to learn ways to help him communicate. To understand his gorgeous lil' mind.

Of course though at the same time I know Autism will provide struggles. I try to look at that and say well geesh we ALL go through struggles. I have battled severe depression, multiple miscarriages, and so much more. Sadly I may endure more. Is my child having Autism anything like those heartaches? Nope. It is a blip. It does not change who my boy is it just means he needs some help. He will get it. I will assure that. This Mama bear is a FIERCE protector. I will fight to get him EVERY BIT of help he needs. That is my job.

Isn't he gorgeous? Wow I mean I am biased OBVIOUSLY but dang we made some cute boys! So I think with being a BLM (baby loss mama) there is an added amount of mommy guilt. Is it just me? AM I crazy to think that? I feel like I lost three babies so my 2 boys should have the best life I can give them! I mean any mom wants that for their child....but I don't know some days I just don't feel like I'm ENOUGH. I know I am enough (watch Mom's Night Out if you have never seen it - and thank me later - GREAT FLICK) but man I have my days. Logan was our first baby to make it. We lost his twin to miscarriage and 2 babies before that as well. Riley, Peyton, and Cameron. Logan was the first kiddo we held. Whew what a feeling. SO I know bits about autism that are popular, Lack of showing emotion, eye contact issues, etc. Well Logan has none of those so even with his speech issues, etc.  I just never thought Autism. I had NO idea that him being good at playing alone. And not being as much of an attention hogger like Lucas (I never noticed until there was SUCH a difference between them at similar ages). I had no other child to compare to.... so I didn't know there were all these red flags. NO CLUE. I was smart enough to see he was frustrated without the ability to communicate so I DID seek out Early Intervention and he has been having classes since he was 18 months old. They tell me I was proactive and that was the best time he could start getting help. That makes me feel better.

Don't even get me STARTED on the vaccine debate. My child being vaccinated was NOT what caused him to be Autistic. (I have to approve all comments so don't bother arguing your point. No one will ever see it). But ya know what? The little tid bit I WILL say about that.... EVEN if I believed vaccinations could cause Autism (and I DO NOT believe that) I would still take that chance so that my child did not DIE from some horrible disease. Autism is not a life threatening disease. It is a life long label. But a happy long life can be lived. VACCINATION DEBATE TALK OVER. So sick of it I could just barf.

With all this being said we have NO IDEA at this point WHERE on the spectrum Logan falls. We will know more at the end of March after his ADOS testing has been completed. Until then we do all we can to help him, to be patient with him, and to love him. As we will always do. He is different not broken. He is atypical not weird. He is fantastic not to be feared. He is loved LOVED loved! I never was a fan of NORMAL and I am all about being DIFFERENT. So bring it on Autism, bring it on. I am ready. We will embrace it, live through it, endure with love and light and happiness.

On a different note. I applaude my positivity. It amazes me daily. I have NEVER been the most positive person. The clown, the comic, sure. Through sarcasm - you betcha and I don't plan to give that up LOL. But never the cheerleader (even when I WAS one). Never the YOU CAN DO IT type. But oh my the difference 5 months can make. Younique is a direct sales company - yep - a naturally based cosmetics company that sells the freaking best mascara out there. But it is SO MUCH MORE. I have met hundreds of ladies, and men, who have FILLED my days and nights with positivity, with encouragement, with life lessons and wisdom to help me daily AND in my business. We do not COMPETE with each other. We HELP each other. We are their during each other's struggles. We lift each other up. MAN it is powerful! AND I make money doing it. I mean DANG - doesn't get better than that.

 This video is amazing:

It's a blessing. I am blessed.

Riley, Peyton, Cameron: LOVE you sweet babies!

Friday, January 16, 2015

My how life has changed....

So many things have changed since my last post! rainbow #2 was born :) His name is Lucas! He was born 7/13/2014 and he is a joyous blessing! This is a picture from a few days ago when he turned 6 months old! MY HOW TIME FLIES! Life with two kiddos is C R A Z Y ! But I wouldn't change it for the world!

Right before Lucas was born I FINALLY got my first smart phone! Well THANK GOODNESS I did! Cause let's face it - um - not a WHOLE LOT I can do with a baby napping on me other than read or search online LOL both which can be done from my smart phone! Smart phones need smarter batteries but whatever haha! I LOVE MY PHONE! ;)

So I am a Facebooker big time! On it all the time - love it - in all honesty it is how I stay connected with life because this mama does NOT leave the house pretty much at all - I am not equipped to handle these two out and about by myself - I mean if I HAD to I could but I don't have to so I don't leave often. Anyways.... One day I was popping around and I see I was added to a Lash group or something. I was like umm okay... ignored it and then every day a new amazing picture was popping up in my newsfeed of before & after pictures of women's eyelashes! I have always liked makeup but never been a HUGE makeup wearer BUT I ALWAYS have wanted amazing eyelashes. Always trying new mascara that is supposed to have amazing results. OF COURSE they always FAIL miserably and disappoint me!! So after 6 days of seeing these pictures I finally take the plunge and buy some...there is a love it guarantee if I don't love it I can return it for a full refund! COOL!

So I get it a week or so later and try it and WOW I was so impressed!!! These were MY results below! Crazy stinking awesome! SO I posted on my FB timeline and asked if any friends would be interested if I had a party.... at least 10 were SO I was like well I gotta have a party....Then I thought about it - looked at the awesome kit and was like hmmm I wonder what it costs to sell. So I looked. $99 well geesh! I can sell the mascara I get in the kit because I already bought one....that gets me $30 back so yup I'm gonna sell it - worst thing that can happen is I just pay my kit back - break even - have a ton of awesome makeup. So 4 days after getting the mascara I was a presenter! CRAZY AWESOME!

Even cooler than that? The FB group of ALL the women in my team was AMAZING about helping me learn how to start selling! They are the FASTEST GROWING DIRECT SALES COMPANY EVER!!!!! Want to know why? SOCIAL MEDIA! Most presenters do ALL selling online! So I am a stay at home mom and that is HUGE for me! Every other company out there does in home parties. You CAN do those with Younique but you don't have to... So I have been LOVING it! I have a chance now to EARN A CRUISE TO JAMAICA! Whhhaaattt!? Yup and I am super psyched! Anyone who signs has the possibility to earn the cruise. We have until May 31st! Well so I just NEEDED to share how great this company has been for me - here is a video of the application of the mascara AND another quick one about how it has changed my life in so many ways!!!

My demo video

How Younique has changed my life!

So I LOVE this company I LOVE this decision I made and I can't wait to see where it will take me!
I have my FB page and page to join my team etc. in the column on the right. Check it out! Please feel free to let me know if you are interested!

Riley, Peyton, & Cameron,

Mommy & Daddy miss you so very much! I think about you every day and I know that you watch over your brothers! Please love each other and give Nana hugs and kisses for me! One day we will all be together but until then I know that you are watching over all of us! I love you sweet babies <3

Thursday, May 15, 2014

The BUSYness of motherhood

I haven't blogged in FOREVER. I am a busy mama nowadays with a very active 2 year old and I am also pregnant with rainbow #2 and in my third trimester so I am more than a little exhausted. LOL

But I am blessed.

I feel like a sign with that statement on it placed throughout the house would be helpful some days. As in life without children - you get stressed - well it happens just the same with children. It is a HUGE blessing to be a stay at home mom but sometimes it is rather stressful. It's hard to see our house get all messy because I am enjoying time with my little boy. I feel like I am being a horrible housewife but being a great mommy. Surely that is more important BUT after days of little things piling up in the kitchen it becomes quite an eye sore and then I get stressed. UGH.

I went to see the movie "Mom's Night Out" last night. I highly recommend it. There is a touching part where the main character says she isn't "good enough" and another character basically says "For you, you mean." THAT really hit me. My little Logan loves me with all his sweet heart (and now my pregnant emotional self is tearing up), and my husband loves me. I think that I just need to love MYSELF a bit more. I think often as mothers WE are our worst enemies. It is hard to LIVE where you "work". I don't mean that to sound like I view my child as a "job" so to speak but if you are a stay at home mom I am sure you get my point.

When you have a job outside your house and you don't get something done you know that you have to do it when you go back to work. When you are a stay at home mom and taking care of your child(ren) and the house is your job you pass by EVERYTHING that needs to be done ALL THE TIME. It is just plain exhausting and some days it is a bit much for me to handle. There is always something that needs to be done. Maybe it is amplified because I am pregnant and nesting and a bit looney. Who knows. But sometimes it all just overwhelming.

We finally accomplished a HUGE thing in our house. We turned the front room into a playroom! I have been wanting this for almost 2 years, since we bought this house, and it is DONE. I am thrilled.

Front room: BEFORE(if you look closely there are 3 orbs - 2 by the curtains one by the shelf)

AFTER: Flooring redone and crap cleaned out

AFTER: other side of the room - my 31 items for parties, and a church pew & place for shoes

LOGAN sees his new playroom! HE LOVES IT

So if you take a look at that BEFORE picture. I had time to get about 1/2 of that stuff looked through (maybe more) and either thrown out, or stored at my parents (as we have NO attic AND no basement here so virtually no storage). Well the rest that couldn't be looked through is now in Lucas' room (rainbow #2 who I am currently pregnant with) and his 8 x 10 room is STUFFED with crap. So now of course I am stressing about that getting done. So I will slowly work on it and get it done and then hubby will look through his part and life will carry on. BUT I want it done LOL. Like NOW. If only it were that easy!

Also, Logan is starting Early Intervention as he is still barely saying any words. He still doesn't even say mama or dada! Basically just Oh, No, and Hiya. So anyways those appointments for speech will start soon I hope. Which adds more to the schedule. HOPEFULLY it will help me keep the house tidy (since people will be in it more LOL) and also help my little love muffin TALK - FINALLY!

Well, for now that is all. Just a little busy mommyhood talk. If YOU are a mommy, whether stay at home or working out of the home....remember YOU can only do your best. Somedays that is better than others but YOUR child LOVES YOU!

REMEMBER TO LOVE YOURSELF! And give yourself a whole lot of grace for those days when you feel like your life is a big ole mess. Most likely you are the only one who sees it that way. So love yourself a bit ladies, take even a few moments for yourself and remember JUST BE YOU. You are ENOUGH!  <3

If you are a mother still waiting to have a child.... (((hugs))) to you. The journey is not easy for those of us who have dealt with loss. YOU need to give yourself even more grace and love. My thoughts and prayers are with all of you. I miss my heavenly babies EVERY day. That does not change but I wish and pray for you that you will one day hold a baby in your arms.


Riley, Peyton, & Cameron,

Mommy misses you. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. You are always in my heart and often I see pictures and wonder how different those pictures would be, how different life would be if you were here with us. I believe God gave us little Logan who's heart has SO much love, so much sweetness (he just came over and hugged me when he saw me tearing up just now) and maybe a large part of that comes from the three of you. When he jabbers on and smiles into thin air in the playroom I often wonder if he sees you Cameron and you are speaking a twin language with him that only you two can understand. When he runs around I wonder if the three of you are there with him and only his sweet little eyes can see you. I think they can. I think he sees you often. And that warms my heart. Please give Nana a huge from me. We miss her dearly as well. I love you sweet babies. ALWAYS <3

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Cup of Kindness...

Today is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day so as we remember our sweet babies I thought it would be a good day to do a post about the need for a bit more kindness....

Through the past 3 and a half years I have gone through a lot. I have aged a lot. I have learned a lot. Most assuredly I can say that we should view the world differently. Everyone should view their surroundings, their situations, and peoples attitudes differently. EVERYONE is going through SOMETHING. Maybe that is why that guy was a jerk to you in the parking lot. Maybe that lady was snippy with you because her mother just passed away. MAYBE that person is 1 in 4 and they just lost a child.


We can't presume to have any idea what those around us are going through. Just because there are people like me who ARE vocal about their loss doesn't mean there aren't thousands (the majority I imagine) who suffer in silence. If you have experienced a loss and have a blog or Facebook account and mention your sweet little ones gone too soon then you are vocal to an extent. BUT I am sure there were many times that you suffered in silence. Whether it be someone asking "is this your first baby" or "do you have any kids" or "isn't it great to have one boy and one girl".... and you choose not to say anything about your angels. We all, I believe, suffer in silence at points.

So do those around us. So do those we don't know and may never know. I TRY to remember this when someone is snippy with me in line getting groceries or rude when I bump into them by mistake with my purse. I try but I fail sometimes, especially when they are rude while I am driving ;)

Nonetheless my point is I wish people were less judgmental to mothers like me who have lost their children, but also just to people in general.

I feel like as a babyloss mom there is extra guilt in parenting. I am probably the one causing that guilt and I am sure ALL mothers have it to an extent. But I feel like Logan is my sweet, precious, cuddly miracle boy and I often think I am not a good enough mom. That I don't do as much as I could because this is all new to me. Then when I DO feel like I am being a good mom my house is a giant pile of stuff everywhere. So if it's not guilt for one thing it's guilt for another.

Speaking of guilt and judgment..... what is WITH PEOPLE? Why does society believe that being a stay at home mom is a luxury or that it is lazy? WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE!? Let me just let you know I am NOT against parents working - I am not against daycare, etc. we ALL do what we have to do. HOWEVER I feel stay at home moms are constantly judged. I would like one of these judgmental idiots to set foot in any mom's house of one child (let alone MORE than that) and then tell me we have LUXURIOUS lives or that we are LAZY! Also you may think well you could use more money, why don't you work? Well - daycare is CRAZY expensive and there is no way I am going to work just to make enough money to pay someone else to watch my son.... nope, not happening.

If someone ever asked me "What do you DO all day?" I think I may slap them - or at least I would LOOK like I was about to slap them! Being a stay at home mom is not a job, it is a blessing but that doesn't mean it's EASY! For one you NEVER have time off....even during naps because you know what? That's when the dishes, laundry, and all that fun cleaning get done because there's sure no time for that with a toddler running around like a cute little monster! There are very few times I get a break - by break I mean NO errands to run but just enjoying myself seeing a movie or going to dinner. I usually try to get out with my husband once a month but that doesn't always happen. In the last 17 1/2 months I have gone out with a friend(s) maybe 8-10 times. And really that is LUCKY (and I know I am blessed to have those moments) But, then there are those that judge how I spend that little time off. That 5 hours a month when I go out with my husband.

Why all the judgment. Why do people feel they have a right to judge people? I am a good mom! Am I perfect? No! Is anyone?  NO! So unless you TRULY have a reason to judge someone - don't - get off your high horse and realize PEOPLE ARE ALL DIFFERENT! I don't judge those who have daycare or leave their child with a sitter or relative all day long during the week so I don't expect to be judged because I stay at home. Every now and then I leave the house with only SOCKS on Logan's feet (oh the horror) when it's nice out - - when he was younger there was even a time (GASP) I went to the grocery store quick with him in pjs! OH GOOD GOLLY how awful! Do I think there are people who would judge that? YEP! Do I care? I don't want to....but yea if I could tell someone was judging me - I would care. That's the joy of mommy guilt.

So with all that said - take a minute - WE HAVE ALL JUDGED SOMEONE - and we will ALL do it again even if just for a brief second before we mentally slap ourselves. It will happen. When that time comes take a good look in the mirror, search your heart.....most likely you will realize that judgment was uncalled for - if there were more people taking a breath and THINKING before they say judgmental things or stopping themselves from giving a judgmental glare wouldn't a few people's days be just a bit brighter?

I think so....

Here's some pics of me and sweet Logan....

“For Attractive lips, speak words of kindness.
 For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.
 For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.
 For beautiful hair, let a child run their fingers through it once a day.
 For poise, walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone.
  People, more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed. Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of each of your arms.
 As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself and the other for helping others.”
Sam Levenson

Riley, Peyton, & Cameron,

Mama and Daddy love you SO MUCH! We miss you every day! I know that you watch over your brother....thank you for that <3 I wish I could hug you all. I wish you were here. But, I know that you are happy and living it up with Nana and all your heavenly family. Give all those little babies hugs. Many mamas and daddy's hearts are hurting. Send us all some peace and know that you are loved. I will hold you in my heart forever sweet ones....until we meet in Heaven.  ~Love, Your Mama

Thursday, September 5, 2013

Lessons this "Mommy of a toddler" has learned so far....

(LONG TIME NO POST! Yikes!!! Haha! I have been a busy bee with my Thirty-One business....more about that another time....)

I have a couple friends (and my sister!) that will have babies within the next 4 months or so! Baby central around here. And then there's crazy lunatics like me starting to wrap their heads around having another one sometime! Haha! I looked back through my posts from when Logan was first born till he was about three months - oh how I dread that the next time around with a toddler to take care of too! YIKES!

I have learned a lot through raising Mr. Logan the past 16 months or so. Basically the most important thing that I think I can say is ALL CHILDREN ARE DIFFERENT! I have heard many mamas say before that we should just take the books that they make telling you the milestones and what your child should be doing at this month, week, day, etc. and just throw them out! I agree IF those books are making you overly worried. If you can read those milestones and understand that it IS okay if your child is not the same as what the book says then ok fine - but those books should in no way be your Bible for child rearing and what not!

SO with that said.... differences in children.... Logan got his first tooth at 3 months!!! Very early! He's been growing those suckers non stop ever since. I have a friend who's baby barely had one tooth when she turned ONE! They are ALL DIFFERENT!

Logan rolled over once each way then NO ROLLING AT ALL until 8 months old or so and then he was literally rolling across the room! He didn't start crawling until after he was one and didn't start walking till her was about 15 1/2 months and he is still a little bit of a drunk walker LOL! BUT this mama KNOWS that her boy is just fine!! He hasn't said a first understandable word yet but he babbles a ton.... and again that is OKAY!

Anyways my main point here is sometimes you just need to IGNORE what all those other kids out there can do and realize that if something were really wrong YOU would probably instinctively realize it before some random other parent! Same goes for in laws and your parents....just because THEY raised you or your significant other does NOT mean that they know whats best for your child!

So to any mama out there reading this.... if there are any ;) KEEP YOUR HEAD HELD HIGH! YOU ARE DOING AN AWESOME JOB! We all raise our children the way we see fit and you know what? THAT is great! We need to have unique children not children all raised the exact same way to be the exact same people. God made us unique! The best thing everyone can do is embrace their own individuality AND their children's individuality :) If we were all the same the world would be a boring place!

With that said LOVE UP those moments with your kiddos and do your best to not feel guilty for taking time for yourself and let the freaking house get messy for goodness sake - because really if it's not hurting anyone WHO CARES :) 

Riley, Peyton, and Cameron,

We love you sweet babies! Mama and Daddy think of you EVERY day! Watch over your brother and hug your Nana and Aunt Alice <3

Thursday, March 28, 2013

Thirty-One Fun!

I am excited that I have officially become a Thirty-One Independent Consultant!

Thirty-One is a faith based company that are all about Celebrating, encouraging, and rewarding women. Their company name is from Proverbs THIRTY ONE :) I have loved their products for over a year and am very excited to share their items with others and pray that this new venture
takes me wherever God uses it to lead me!

Thirty-One's Mission:  "Thirty-One is more than just a company we are people who believe in celebrating, encouraging, and rewarding women for who they are. Through God's strength we've built a family of individuals who feel women deserve to treat themselves and those around them to something special. Our commitment is to provide women with a fulfilling, enjoyable, and rewarding experience one person at a time"

My first home party is April 6th and I have a goal to reach $1,000 in sales my first month so that I will be reimbursed for my kit ($99)! ALSO it just happens that my parties fall within an incentive time so I will also gain a free summer kit with new products to show at parties :)

Here are some items I have created (you know the artist in me HAD to create items for my table!) to help advertise at parties :)

The first three photos are a wooden bag I purchased for $1 at Michael's and painted it to hold pens for my parties :)

Te next two photos are my "Book a Party, Pick a Prize" board :)
 (the board was $7 at Dollar General - I added the blue ribbon and bling and made the envelopes, tag, and the Heart was purchased at Michael's for $1 and painted)

 This is a frame I purchased at Michael's for $1 and painted with a modified version of the Island Damazk print. I also added all the bling! Currently it has the hostess rewards in it and the hostess exclusives on the back - it is being held by a huge pink clothes pin that I purchased at Micahel's for $3 and painted the thirty one logo on it!

 My box full of my kit AND many items I already had!

CLIPBOARDS!!! I bought them for $1.99 each at Office Max. I blinged up the metal part and I added scrap book paper to each. Then I added the words and outlined them with pink zebra print washi tape :)

SUPER EXCITED to have my first party! I will make sure to take pictures of my table at the party!!
Join me in my Facebook Group and be asked to be invited to it! It is SPECIAL for my Thirty-One Customers. Soon I will be offering contests, etc. for members of the group!!

Customizable, Fun Organization with Jessica Malloy:

And NO post is complete without a pic of my cutie rainbow baby Logan! Can you believe he is 11 months tomorrow! I know I can't! WOW!


Friday, November 23, 2012


So a blogger I just love did a post like this and it had me thinking.... so here are some of my confessions maybe sometime I'll make a part 2, etc. Thank you for the inspiration Angela :)

Sometimes I feel like a lazy parent. I play with my son, I love him, we giggle, he is happy and has met important milestones but I always feel there is more I should be doing and that I will have more experience if/when we have more children and that poor Logan gets the short end of the stick.

I feel like I have totally screwed his sleep up. His last bedtime is between 1-3 am right now though he does sleep 6-9 hours once he's asleep. He also ALWAYS falls asleep on one of us. I feel like my overprotective cuddling and constant worrying has made it hard for him to sleep :( but my mom says I was the same and it got better so that gives me hope!

The first 4 months Logan was with us I seriously didn't know if I could handle having more children. Luckily things improved! I love him so much and would go through those hellish 3 months again if I had too! But WOW were they hard.

I would NEVER have chosen to lose any of my babies but I don't know if I could have handled twins. That makes me sad. Though I know I would have risen to the challenge has Cameron also been born!

Speaking of messed up sleep I am TERRIFIED to put Logan in his own crib. So terrified.

TMI confession - sometimes I don't shower for a couple days in a row. I kept forgetting to put deoderant on  so I had to start carrying it in my purse.

Sometimes I wonder if it is selfish for me to stay at home.

Nothing makes me happier than holding Logan. He smiles now all the time and I love that he reaches up and touches my face. I feel every day like I could not love him more....but every day I do.

I wish that my Nana would have gotten to meet him. I dream of her all the time. I worry that I won't properly include her and Riley, Peyton, and Cameron into Logan's life.

Every day I feel like I have done something wrong but I know he is happy and that makes me realize all will be okay.

I often want to scream at people who seem ungrateful for their children and I hate when people call their living children angels.

Sadly I don't have many close friends or any that I see on a very regular basis I often feel BLMs know me better then many friends I have in real life. I wish we all lived near each other!

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