Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Cup of Kindness...

Today is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day so as we remember our sweet babies I thought it would be a good day to do a post about the need for a bit more kindness....

Through the past 3 and a half years I have gone through a lot. I have aged a lot. I have learned a lot. Most assuredly I can say that we should view the world differently. Everyone should view their surroundings, their situations, and peoples attitudes differently. EVERYONE is going through SOMETHING. Maybe that is why that guy was a jerk to you in the parking lot. Maybe that lady was snippy with you because her mother just passed away. MAYBE that person is 1 in 4 and they just lost a child.


We can't presume to have any idea what those around us are going through. Just because there are people like me who ARE vocal about their loss doesn't mean there aren't thousands (the majority I imagine) who suffer in silence. If you have experienced a loss and have a blog or Facebook account and mention your sweet little ones gone too soon then you are vocal to an extent. BUT I am sure there were many times that you suffered in silence. Whether it be someone asking "is this your first baby" or "do you have any kids" or "isn't it great to have one boy and one girl".... and you choose not to say anything about your angels. We all, I believe, suffer in silence at points.

So do those around us. So do those we don't know and may never know. I TRY to remember this when someone is snippy with me in line getting groceries or rude when I bump into them by mistake with my purse. I try but I fail sometimes, especially when they are rude while I am driving ;)

Nonetheless my point is I wish people were less judgmental to mothers like me who have lost their children, but also just to people in general.

I feel like as a babyloss mom there is extra guilt in parenting. I am probably the one causing that guilt and I am sure ALL mothers have it to an extent. But I feel like Logan is my sweet, precious, cuddly miracle boy and I often think I am not a good enough mom. That I don't do as much as I could because this is all new to me. Then when I DO feel like I am being a good mom my house is a giant pile of stuff everywhere. So if it's not guilt for one thing it's guilt for another.

Speaking of guilt and judgment..... what is WITH PEOPLE? Why does society believe that being a stay at home mom is a luxury or that it is lazy? WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE!? Let me just let you know I am NOT against parents working - I am not against daycare, etc. we ALL do what we have to do. HOWEVER I feel stay at home moms are constantly judged. I would like one of these judgmental idiots to set foot in any mom's house of one child (let alone MORE than that) and then tell me we have LUXURIOUS lives or that we are LAZY! Also you may think well you could use more money, why don't you work? Well - daycare is CRAZY expensive and there is no way I am going to work just to make enough money to pay someone else to watch my son.... nope, not happening.

If someone ever asked me "What do you DO all day?" I think I may slap them - or at least I would LOOK like I was about to slap them! Being a stay at home mom is not a job, it is a blessing but that doesn't mean it's EASY! For one you NEVER have time off....even during naps because you know what? That's when the dishes, laundry, and all that fun cleaning get done because there's sure no time for that with a toddler running around like a cute little monster! There are very few times I get a break - by break I mean NO errands to run but just enjoying myself seeing a movie or going to dinner. I usually try to get out with my husband once a month but that doesn't always happen. In the last 17 1/2 months I have gone out with a friend(s) maybe 8-10 times. And really that is LUCKY (and I know I am blessed to have those moments) But, then there are those that judge how I spend that little time off. That 5 hours a month when I go out with my husband.

Why all the judgment. Why do people feel they have a right to judge people? I am a good mom! Am I perfect? No! Is anyone?  NO! So unless you TRULY have a reason to judge someone - don't - get off your high horse and realize PEOPLE ARE ALL DIFFERENT! I don't judge those who have daycare or leave their child with a sitter or relative all day long during the week so I don't expect to be judged because I stay at home. Every now and then I leave the house with only SOCKS on Logan's feet (oh the horror) when it's nice out - - when he was younger there was even a time (GASP) I went to the grocery store quick with him in pjs! OH GOOD GOLLY how awful! Do I think there are people who would judge that? YEP! Do I care? I don't want to....but yea if I could tell someone was judging me - I would care. That's the joy of mommy guilt.

So with all that said - take a minute - WE HAVE ALL JUDGED SOMEONE - and we will ALL do it again even if just for a brief second before we mentally slap ourselves. It will happen. When that time comes take a good look in the mirror, search your heart.....most likely you will realize that judgment was uncalled for - if there were more people taking a breath and THINKING before they say judgmental things or stopping themselves from giving a judgmental glare wouldn't a few people's days be just a bit brighter?

I think so....

Here's some pics of me and sweet Logan....

“For Attractive lips, speak words of kindness.
 For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.
 For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.
 For beautiful hair, let a child run their fingers through it once a day.
 For poise, walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone.
  People, more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed. Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of each of your arms.
 As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself and the other for helping others.”
Sam Levenson

Riley, Peyton, & Cameron,

Mama and Daddy love you SO MUCH! We miss you every day! I know that you watch over your brother....thank you for that <3 I wish I could hug you all. I wish you were here. But, I know that you are happy and living it up with Nana and all your heavenly family. Give all those little babies hugs. Many mamas and daddy's hearts are hurting. Send us all some peace and know that you are loved. I will hold you in my heart forever sweet ones....until we meet in Heaven.  ~Love, Your Mama

1 comment:

  1. Very well said Jess!! You are exactly right!! And, you are a GREAT, FANTASTIC, WONDERFUL, AMAZING, FABULOUS, TERRIFIC, AWESOME mom!!! I have met you and your little Logan and I have seen how wonderful you are with him and how happy he is!! I have seen the love you two share and it is beautiful!! I have also seen all the love you have for your babies in Heaven!! Jess, your children couldn't have a better mother!! They are just as blessed to have you as you are to have them!!! I love you my friend!!!


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