But I am blessed.
I feel like a sign with that statement on it placed throughout the house would be helpful some days. As in life without children - you get stressed - well it happens just the same with children. It is a HUGE blessing to be a stay at home mom but sometimes it is rather stressful. It's hard to see our house get all messy because I am enjoying time with my little boy. I feel like I am being a horrible housewife but being a great mommy. Surely that is more important BUT after days of little things piling up in the kitchen it becomes quite an eye sore and then I get stressed. UGH.
I went to see the movie "Mom's Night Out" last night. I highly recommend it. There is a touching part where the main character says she isn't "good enough" and another character basically says "For you, you mean." THAT really hit me. My little Logan loves me with all his sweet heart (and now my pregnant emotional self is tearing up), and my husband loves me. I think that I just need to love MYSELF a bit more. I think often as mothers WE are our worst enemies. It is hard to LIVE where you "work". I don't mean that to sound like I view my child as a "job" so to speak but if you are a stay at home mom I am sure you get my point.
When you have a job outside your house and you don't get something done you know that you have to do it when you go back to work. When you are a stay at home mom and taking care of your child(ren) and the house is your job you pass by EVERYTHING that needs to be done ALL THE TIME. It is just plain exhausting and some days it is a bit much for me to handle. There is always something that needs to be done. Maybe it is amplified because I am pregnant and nesting and a bit looney. Who knows. But sometimes it all just overwhelming.
We finally accomplished a HUGE thing in our house. We turned the front room into a playroom! I have been wanting this for almost 2 years, since we bought this house, and it is DONE. I am thrilled.
|Front room: BEFORE(if you look closely there are 3 orbs - 2 by the curtains one by the shelf)|
|AFTER: Flooring redone and crap cleaned out|
|AFTER: other side of the room - my 31 items for parties, and a church pew & place for shoes|
|LOGAN sees his new playroom! HE LOVES IT|
So if you take a look at that BEFORE picture. I had time to get about 1/2 of that stuff looked through (maybe more) and either thrown out, or stored at my parents (as we have NO attic AND no basement here so virtually no storage). Well the rest that couldn't be looked through is now in Lucas' room (rainbow #2 who I am currently pregnant with) and his 8 x 10 room is STUFFED with crap. So now of course I am stressing about that getting done. So I will slowly work on it and get it done and then hubby will look through his part and life will carry on. BUT I want it done LOL. Like NOW. If only it were that easy!
Also, Logan is starting Early Intervention as he is still barely saying any words. He still doesn't even say mama or dada! Basically just Oh, No, and Hiya. So anyways those appointments for speech will start soon I hope. Which adds more to the schedule. HOPEFULLY it will help me keep the house tidy (since people will be in it more LOL) and also help my little love muffin TALK - FINALLY!
Well, for now that is all. Just a little busy mommyhood talk. If YOU are a mommy, whether stay at home or working out of the home....remember YOU can only do your best. Somedays that is better than others but YOUR child LOVES YOU!
REMEMBER TO LOVE YOURSELF! And give yourself a whole lot of grace for those days when you feel like your life is a big ole mess. Most likely you are the only one who sees it that way. So love yourself a bit ladies, take even a few moments for yourself and remember JUST BE YOU. You are ENOUGH! <3
If you are a mother still waiting to have a child.... (((hugs))) to you. The journey is not easy for those of us who have dealt with loss. YOU need to give yourself even more grace and love. My thoughts and prayers are with all of you. I miss my heavenly babies EVERY day. That does not change but I wish and pray for you that you will one day hold a baby in your arms.
Riley, Peyton, & Cameron,
Mommy misses you. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. You are always in my heart and often I see pictures and wonder how different those pictures would be, how different life would be if you were here with us. I believe God gave us little Logan who's heart has SO much love, so much sweetness (he just came over and hugged me when he saw me tearing up just now) and maybe a large part of that comes from the three of you. When he jabbers on and smiles into thin air in the playroom I often wonder if he sees you Cameron and you are speaking a twin language with him that only you two can understand. When he runs around I wonder if the three of you are there with him and only his sweet little eyes can see you. I think they can. I think he sees you often. And that warms my heart. Please give Nana a huge from me. We miss her dearly as well. I love you sweet babies. ALWAYS <3